Okay ... here I am again, the elephant in the room ...
I think the creature would sound better if he said "was better than Next the Generation" or just "was better than Next Generation." The "the" sounds out of place to me.
Also, it's incredibly nuanced to say that a creature that really almost has no legs a tall was "squatting" ...
Lastly, the upper bannister in the last two panels make Cork look like she has become a unicorn ...
pick pick pick ... I'm just grouchy while I wait for my cut of the AIG bonus package ...
I agree with Tom about removing the word "the". Maybe take out ALL the "the"'s for consistency's sake. "defied ways of tribe", "... no longer welcome with other monsters."
And how about, "Obvious... someone had to leave," instead of "Obviously?" to further emphasize Gloot's lack of nuance in using the language.
And the bannister horn thing too.
But Gloot is extremely appealing as a character. I hope we get to see more of his tribe. And a wonderful overall job as usual Scott.
Thanks for the input guys! Although in this instance methinks I'm gonna stick with the 'the' and with Gloot's current speech pattern. I didn't want to do too much of that 'caveman' speak because its been done to death. I liked the idea of him just having the one twitch to his vocal traits which is changing any 'I' or 'I'm' or any derivitive of those into the 'me' family. And for the stair railing, I guess I'm being literal with my backgrounds, even when it turns my characters into unicorns. (Although if they can't figure out that it's clearly a stair railing from panel 3 then I shun them. I shun them like decent women shun me. Totally. Absolutely.)
Last comment from me ... I love fiddling with the English language and that leads me to say that in the last balloon. I now state that it should read "Someone had to leave ... obviously." ... because with the ... you get a fun pause. You "hear" the pause and it's niiiiice ...
Okay ... here I am again, the elephant in the room ...
ReplyDeleteI think the creature would sound better if he said "was better than Next the Generation" or just "was better than Next Generation." The "the" sounds out of place to me.
Also, it's incredibly nuanced to say that a creature that really almost has no legs a tall was "squatting" ...
Lastly, the upper bannister in the last two panels make Cork look like she has become a unicorn ...
pick pick pick ... I'm just grouchy while I wait for my cut of the AIG bonus package ...
I agree with Tom about removing the word "the". Maybe take out ALL the "the"'s for consistency's sake. "defied ways of tribe", "... no longer welcome with other monsters."
ReplyDeleteAnd how about, "Obvious... someone had to leave," instead of "Obviously?" to further emphasize Gloot's lack of nuance in using the language.
And the bannister horn thing too.
But Gloot is extremely appealing as a character. I hope we get to see more of his tribe. And a wonderful overall job as usual Scott.
Yesssss ... Gloot one primo monster ... ;-) Me feel really picky ... bad Tom ... AIG CFO not phone yet ...
ReplyDeleteI'd say CORK knows her audience. I like the idea of an outcast monster. We want Gloot to do well.
ReplyDeleteHave him hold a football for Cork to kick.
Some people call it a bannister. I call it a phallus. hmpf!
ReplyDeleteMe like Gloot. He talk good. But me like the speak of Tom and Tom. Ellis sexy.
Thanks for the input guys! Although in this instance methinks I'm gonna stick with the 'the' and with Gloot's current speech pattern. I didn't want to do too much of that 'caveman' speak because its been done to death. I liked the idea of him just having the one twitch to his vocal traits which is changing any 'I' or 'I'm' or any derivitive of those into the 'me' family.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the stair railing, I guess I'm being literal with my backgrounds, even when it turns my characters into unicorns. (Although if they can't figure out that it's clearly a stair railing from panel 3 then I shun them. I shun them like decent women shun me. Totally. Absolutely.)
Last comment from me ... I love fiddling with the English language and that leads me to say that in the last balloon. I now state that it should read "Someone had to leave ... obviously." ... because with the ... you get a fun pause. You "hear" the pause and it's niiiiice ...
ReplyDeleteMe stop talking ... now.